Timeline for "The Bodyguard" by emmy_award

One of the Auror's reports in Chapter 5 is dated February 9, so I based the current dates on that. They should be correct, give or take a day. Some of the past events were a little hard for me to parse out, so anything with a "(?)" is just my best guess. Feel free to use it for your personal reference and/or copy and edit it as you see fit. If anything is glaringly incorrect, please let me know in the comments. If the final chapters of the fic introduce new info, I'll update the timeline accordingly.


  • December, post-Christmas

    • Tent kiss

    • Ron returns


  • May 2

    • Battle of Hogwarts

  • Summer

    • Fred's funeral

    • Hermione and Harry go to Australia

  • September 2

    • Year Seven, first term begins

  • October

    • Hermione runs into Harry, Ginny on stairs

    • Hermione befriends Draco Malfoy

    • October 31--Hermione asks Ron on a date

  • November 1

    • Hermione and Ron's date

  • December

    • Hermione has nightmare the night before students leave for Christmas Holidays

    • Otter patronus


  • January

    • Year Seven, second term begins

  • February

    • Harry visits Teddy and Andromeda

  • Mid-April

    • Nighttime picnic in the common room

  • June

    • June 3

      • Hermione almost pours tea on her eggs

      • Harry receives job offers

    • Ginny gets drafted by the Harpies

  • July

    • Hermione moves into flat

  • August

    • Hermione starts at Ministry


  • February

    • Hermione breaks up with Ron

  • August-ish

    • Hermione meets Theo, 5-year booty call begins

    • Harry and Hermione dance at club


  • Harry and Ginny get engaged

  • About six months later, Harry and Hermione dance at Harry and Ginny's wedding


  • August-ish

    • Theo moves to England

    • Ron's wedding

2006 (?)

  • Hermione promoted to Deputy Counsel

  • Ginny trains in Hamburg

2007-2008 (?)

  • Jessica born

  • Theo leaves England

  • Hermione promoted to Head Counsel

  • Verity gets engaged


  • May

    • 10th Anniversary of War


  • Late-ish August

    • Verity's wedding

  • September

    • Teddy goes to Hogwarts

    • Harry and Ginny separate

  • Peter born


  • January

    • Harry's divorce finalized

    • Hermione goes on date with Malcolm

    • Harry hits on Hermione in Hippogriff's hallway

2011 (?)

  • Ron's twins born

  • Hermione's made Department Head

  • Andromeda dies

2012 (?)

  • Hermione moves in with Malcolm

  • R.I.P. Crookshanks

  • Summer--Teddy learns Gobbledygook (This could be 2011. Hermion says Teddy was 13, but Harry says it was between Teddy's 3rd & 4th year, which would have been 2012. Teddy would be 14, not 13, so I might have the year wrong.)

2013 (?)

  • December

    • Harry and Hermione dance at Christmas Party

2014 (?)

  • Hermione gets seat on Wizengamot

  • Harry made Head Auror

  • Hermione gets engaged to Malcolm

  • Harry's leg injured


  • Hermione campaigns for Minister

  • Malcolm breaks up with Hermione

  • Hermione buys house, gets cats


  • Early

    • Hermione elected Minister


  • January

    • Muggle-born legislation announced

    • Salvation begins ordering supplies

  • September

    • Muggle-born legislation passed

  • Harry goes undercover (?)


  • October 16

    • Müller's Dark Detectors receives shipment from fake company

  • December-ish

    • Faulty Probity Probes arrive at Ministry


  • January-ish

    • Crane returns from Germany, Poland

  • February

    • Day One, Tuesday, Feb 4

      • Salvation's first assassination attempt

      • Action Plan Delta Stage One enacted, Harry assigned to personal security detail

    • Day Two, Wednesday, Feb 5

      • Harry gets a makeover

      • Hermione has a nightmare

    • Day Three, Thursday, Feb 6

      • Faulty Probity Probes discovered

    • Day Five, Saturday, Feb 7

      • Book Club

    • Day Seven, Monday (Feb 9 per Auror's report)

      • Restaurant attack--Salvation steals Hermione's blood

      • Office Kiss

      • Action Plan Delta Stage Two enacted

      • "I just fucked Harry Potter"

    • Day Eight, Tuesday, Feb 10

      • Draco visits, Seamus booby traps Hermione's house

      • Hermione and Harry agree to be fuck not-quite-buddies

    • Day Ten, Thursday, Feb 11

      • Kingsley's briefing--Salvation spies are at Ministry

      • Fuck fest & pizza

    • Day Eleven, Friday, Feb 12

      • All-nighter

      • Crane provides contacts, Kingsley sends Aurors to the Continent for intel

      • Shower sex

    • Day Twelve, Saturday, Feb 13

      • Warehouse raid

      • Pointer Sisters dance

    • Day Thirteen, Sunday, Feb 14

      • Salvation attack in the square--Harry shot, Hermione injured

    • Day Sixteen, Wednesday, Feb 17

      • 3 a.m.: Hermione wakes up in hospital

    • Day Seventeen, Thursday, Feb 18

      • Harry and Hermione move to safehouse

    • Day 21, Monday, Feb 22

      • Harry and Hermione duel

      • Hermione cuts her hair

    • Day 22, Tuesday, Feb 23

      • Magic sex

    • Day 25, Friday, Feb 26

      • Sunset: Harry, Hermione, and Draco kidnapped

      • 9:35 p.m.: They wake up in cellar

      • Bellatrix?!?


Oh, Catnip Bag!

I wrote a little ditty for my kitties today...

Oh, Catnip Bag
(to the tune of O Tannenbaum)

Oh, catnip bag! Oh, catnip bag,
I lick you and get high.
Oh, catnip bag! Oh, catnip bag,
The craziness is nigh.

I can't play with you by myself,
So Mommy keeps you on the shelf.

Oh, catnip bag! Oh, catnip bag,
I lick you and get high.

Shit Happens

I went to the Philadelphia Comic Con this weekend.  During the Q&A, this is what happened.  I figure that somebody is bound to post this on Youtube, so I'm beating them to the punch.  If I'm to be embarrassed, I'll be the one to do the embarrassing. :-P


Word of the Day

paronomasia \,pa-rə-nō-‘mā-zh(ē-)ə, ,pa-,rä-nə-‘mā-\ n : a play on words : pun
No matter how hard Willow tried to program the Buffybot with effective verbal wit, its attempts at paronomasias were incoherent at best.

Essentially, puns are humorous uses of words to suggest more than one interpretation.  “Paronomasia,” which derives from a Greek verb meaning “to call with a slight change of name,” can simply be a synonym for “pun.”  But it can also be used, somewhat playfully, to suggest an uncontrollable urge to make puns, as if it were a disease, rather than word play.  For example, William Safire announced in The New York Times (July 6, 1980) that “an epidemic of paronomasia has raced around the world.”

Anybody have anything punny add?

Word of the Day

Double Bonus Word Day!

At the sight of Buffy’s moue, Spike couldn’t resist the urge to osculate her.

moue \‘mü\ n : a little grimace : pout

“Moue” is one of two similar-sounding words in English that refer to a pout or grimace; the other is “mow,” which is pronounced to rhyme either with “no” or “now.”  “Mow” and “moue” share the same origin (the Anglo-French mouwe) and a distant relationship to a Middle Dutch word for a protruding lip.  (They do not, however, share a relationship to the word “mouth,” which derives from Old English mūth.)  While use of “moue” in English traces back only a little more than 150 years, “mow” dates all the way back to the 14th century.  “Moue” has also seen occasional use as a verb.

osculate \‘äs-kyə-,lāt\ v : to kiss

“Osculate” comes from the Latin noun osculum, meaning “kiss” or “little mouth.”  It was included in a dictionary of “hard” words in 1656, but we have no evidence that anyone actually used it until the 19th century, except for scientists who used it with the different meaning “to contact.”


Word of the Day

kittel \‘ki-təl\ n : a white cotton or linen robe worn by Orthodox Jews on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and at the Passover Seder
Determined to earn an A in Mr. Whitmore’s health class, Willow spent all night sewing a tiny kittel for her egg baby to demonstrate that she taught it religious values.

Kittels have long been made of cotton, and if you follow the threads of the words “kittel” and “cotton” back far enough into history, you will find that both seem to have come from quţn, the Arabic word for “cotton.”  In the case of “kittel,” we can follow the thread with relative certainty back through Yiddish to the Middle High German work kietel, meaning “cotton or hempen outer garment.”  However, “cotton” can be traced directly to quţn.


Word of the Day

nychthemeron \nik-‘the-mə-,rän\ n : a full period of a night and a day
At the suggestion of Mr. Bogarty at the magic shop, Tara purified the moonstone by burying it in sand for one nychthemeron before using it for spellcasting.

This 24-hour term brings together the Greek root nykt- or nyx-, meaning “night,” and the Greek word hemera, meaning “day.”  Another English descendant of nykt-/nyx- is “nyctalopia,” meaning “night blindness” (adding alaos, meaning “blind,” and op- or ops, meaning “eye”).  Hemera has other English offspring, including “hemerocallis,” another name for the daylily (from hemera plus kallos, meaning “beauty”).

Tidbit: The red hemerocallis is one of my favorite flowers.  Here's a pic. :-)


Double Take

Why I love Ringer:

  • The plot has so many twists and turns that you barely recover from a bad case of whiplash by the time the next episode airs.
  • It's managed to surprise me, whereas with most shows, I guess what's gonna happen next before the writers do. :-P
  • Bridget is an ex-stripper drug addict, who's on the run from an organized crime lord, got her nephew killed, steals her sister's identity, and bangs her brother-in-law--and she's the GOOD twin!
  • Siobhan is nicknamed "Shiv" (slang for a makeshift knife usually found in prisons), a moniker I find fitting since she's a back-stabbing, diabolical fiend.
  • In a dream sequence, Siobhan wonders why Andrew loves Bridget when he didn't love her.
    Siobhan: What do you have that I don't?
    Bridget: Um...a soul?*
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar kept calling it "Ring-ger" in the promos, but eventually started pronouncing only one "g", presumably having gotten my telepathic signals that two "g's" was annoying the crap outta me.
  • It's resurrected the over-the-top, soap-opera-iness of the prime-time dramas of my childhood, like Falcon Crest, Dynasty, and Dallas.
  • The costumers take great pains to dress SMG in the finest couture, but she's so short that she inevitably winds up looking like she's been playing in mommy's closet.
  • After double-crossing Mr. Carpenter, Catherine leaves him a sticky note with a post script that says, "You're an idiot!"
  • Andrew wears suspenders.
  • There's not a single character who hasn't lied, cheated, stolen, manipulated, and/or committed murder.
  • It's decadently ridiculous, and I eat that shit up like double chocolate cake. :-P

*Okay, she didn't really say that, but she would have if I'd written the script.